There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize