Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
