I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
