my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
