At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
