how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
