She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
