God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize