I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
