Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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