If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
