there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
