im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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