I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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