Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
