Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
