apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
