At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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