Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
