Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize