I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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