I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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