her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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