just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
