Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
