His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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