I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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