The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
