I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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