Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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