the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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