I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't turn off my feet"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
