Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize