I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sober January is a disaster.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
