Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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