i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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