i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
