Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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