I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She bit a glass in half.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
