i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
