I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
