Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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