There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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