What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, he came in my armpit
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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