OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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