U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
