4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The adults are the big ones right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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