i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
