Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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