I just cut my nipple shaving
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
