I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
