BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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