just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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