We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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