Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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