She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize