I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
