you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
