1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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