I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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