I'm so fucking centered right now
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
