So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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