he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
