wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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