It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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