I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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