Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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