Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
