I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
