bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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