Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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