She just used a chaser for red wine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
